Navigating Difficult Conversations
The previous chapters cover how to manage your report through underperformance and perhaps termination. Here you’ll find detailed instructions for how to have those conversations — how to prepare, what to say, and what not to say.
Underperformance
You should be consistently talking about your report’s performance during 1:1s. When performance problems reach a critical point, you owe your employee a conversation clearly stating as much.
When you realize your report has reached a point that requires intervention, you must inform People Ops and your own superior if applicable. They’ll help you define a fair path forward for your report with clear benchmarks and deadlines, and they’ll help you navigate how to approach the initial conversation with your report.
Don’t delay the conversation. It’s natural to want to avoid the issue and hope it resolves without a tough conversation. But that’s unfair to your employee and to the rest of the team who are probably experiencing the repercussions of your employee’s poor performance.
Prepare for the conversation. Write down your talking points. When you know the information you need to convey, you can avoid getting sidetracked, speaking in hypotheticals, or getting drawn into an unproductive debate.
- Name the areas where your report’s performance is deficient (consult your leveling framework).
- Cite examples from their work where you’ve noticed those deficiencies.
- Share the negative impact their performance is having on the rest of the team’s productivity or cohesion.
- Explain what needs to change for you to consider their performance back on the correct trajectory.
- Tell them what will happen if they’re unable to correct, up to and including termination. Have a deadline for correction in mind, e.g. “I need to see improvement by the end of this cycle or we may decide to terminate your employment at that time.”
Using AI to prepare. AI can help you feel more prepared for high stakes conversations. Once you’ve identified your talking points, feed your notes and your performance documentation into AI and ask it if your concerns have merit based on the documented evidence. Ask it to flag anything in your notes that sounds personal rather than professional, or anything that sounds like a biased, unsupported opinion. Do not use AI to create a script; you’ll sound rehearsed and run the risk of getting mired in stating your points versus having a real, two-sided conversation.
Consider a human sounding board. If you’re still concerned about how the conversation will go or if your talking points are hitting the right notes, reach out to People Ops or another trusted and experienced manager to get their feedback.
Don’t ignore your humanity, and don’t oversell your points. Sometimes when we have important information to convey, we forget to consider how that information may land. It’s OK to imagine yourself in your report’s place, what their potential reactions may be, and how you’ll respond. Be professional, but also be human. Your ultimate goal as manager is to provide your report with the optimal environment to perform their job to the best of their abilities. Approach the conversation with success in mind, but also empathy, partnership, and positivity.
Hit your talking points and then back off. Hammering similar points over and over doesn’t strengthen your position, only demoralizes your report.
At the same time, manage your own emotions. You may be feeling impatient with your employee, stressed out about having a difficult conversation with them, or insecure about your role in conveying what you need to convey to them. Try to understand what’s going on internally before your conversation so you can anticipate what your own reactions to the conversation may be, remain on an even keel, and stick to the facts.
Create a space for honesty and open conversation. You should be creating a culture of honesty and openness with your employees during the normal course of work and especially during your recurring 1:1s. Open a difficult conversation by leaning on that established relationship. State your positive intent, and share what you’d like to get out of the meeting. Maybe you’re seeking to understand why your employee is having trouble or want their input as you create an action plan. Ask questions that give your report the chance to express their thoughts and ideas. Avoid throwing a bunch of information at your employee with no opportunity for response or healthy discussion.
Workshop solutions. You should come to the meeting with your firm directives in mind — what about your employee’s performance needs to change and any pre-determined benchmarks or deadlines around their improvement. But you can also work in partnership with your employee on steps that will help them improve. That way you’re both clear on expectations moving forward and both have some skin in the game.
Let go of any notion that you know the best path forward, or conversely, that your report must come up with it on their own. Offer your own ideas, be open to your report’s ideas, and work together to find a path forward that encompasses both points of view.
Document and follow up. Write down the results of your conversation, especially noting any action items, benchmarks, or deadlines that you expect your report to meet. Then check in early and often on your report’s progress. Be sure to strictly adhere to the expectations set. If you set a deadline of mid-cycle for a deliverable, don’t let it slip. When you check on your report’s progress, ask too how their morale is doing:
- How are you progressing on the [action item/plan]?
- How can I help with your progress?
- Now that some time has passed, do you have any thoughts or questions about our call?
- How are you feeling since we last talked?
Assess whether or not you’re going to pursue the consequence you set on the schedule that you set with your report. For example, if you told your report that they have to demonstrate improvement by the end of the cycle or face termination, make that determination when you said you would: at the end of the cycle.
No matter the outcome, explain to your report what went into your decision. If you are happy with their performance and the steps they took to improve, tell them that and tell them why. Remind them that they need to stay the course. Likewise, if you don’t see improvement in their performance and are moving to immediate termination, be clear with them that that’s what you’re doing and why.
Termination
The guidelines outlined above also apply to termination conversations.
- Don’t delay the conversation.
- Prepare for the conversation.
- Consider a sounding board.
- Don’t ignore your humanity.
The main difference in termination conversations is that… well… it’s not much of a conversation. You should certainly let your report talk. But most of the time, a termination call will last fewer than 5 minutes. Your primary job is to convey information clearly and with compassion.
- We’ve decided to terminate your employment/contract with the company.
- Your last day is [day].
- You’re being let go because [performance problems we’ve discussed].
- People Ops will follow up with you on the specifics.
- Do you have anything you’d like to discuss?
The last question is not an invitation for litigation. If the employee starts to argue, negotiate, or if they become hostile, you are free to refer them to People Ops and end the call.
A couple reminders to keep the call on track:
- Stop talking. Say what you want to say, then stop. It’s easy to start rambling to fill the silence, but then you can end up saying things you don’t mean to say or drawing out the call unnecessarily.
- It’s not about you, so avoid phrases like “I don’t know how to say this” or “I feel terrible”. They’re having a worse day than you are.
In either case, or for any high stakes conversation that you need to have with your report, please consider liaising with People Ops ahead of time.